If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
