my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
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