the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
