dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
