If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize