He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
