She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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