If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
