He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
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