His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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