i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
im six kinds of drunk right now
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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