One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Randomize
