Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
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