C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
