I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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