She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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