the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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