none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
