I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
