physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
