Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize