we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
