I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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