Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
