I'm eating all of the evidence.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize