i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
