So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
