I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
