we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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