So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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