a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize