Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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