I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
