your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
