Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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