omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
