The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize