and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
