Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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