Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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