I met the friendliest cop last night
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
