I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
