There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
