Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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