I'm so fucking centered right now
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize