your thong is hanging out like whoa
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
