we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
