I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize