there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
