We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
