she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
