I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
