So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
