My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize