I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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