As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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