I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
