fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
