I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
