I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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