is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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