OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
