I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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