if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Randomize
