Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
