she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
