My hair reeks of homosexuality.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize