I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
