god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
