i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
