A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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