The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
