i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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