I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
