Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
