That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize