My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
