just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize