if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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