May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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