i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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