Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
