btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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