Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
