Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize