Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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