I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Randomize
