are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
foreskin is a definite game changer
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
