If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
