There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Randomize
