My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize
