i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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