Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
