i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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