Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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