How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Screwed.edu
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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