margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
how does that bad decision feel?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize