your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
