we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
