it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
