my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
