If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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