I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
