so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
