Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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