mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
