I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
