Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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