I heard we made out
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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